When i climb up and stand on the mound nearby with my eyes staring at the infinite darkness, my soul seems to be purged and enlightened, the mouth, long for some proper words to ease and discharge of the fullness and swellings of the heart, which passions generated by that moment do cause and induce. But I would rather keep silent, for one single word will bring me the loneliness. I know that feeling exactly, as I had been strolling through the moor behind my dorm and reciting some poems in front of the silver lake, I wished someone would come nearby and found out that there was a freak there, but no one ever dropped by, I had to leave with my own sneer.

"Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god.", exactly, yet meaningless, for it does nothing to help me out of the gaping hole, as well as many of others. Sir Bacon once said "Little do men perceived what solitude is, and how far it extendeth", ""it is a mere and miserable solitude to want true friends". I think that kind of intimacy is hard to develop nowadays. You can never make a friend with someone who just want to make acquaintances to broaden his social cycle of his future career. But the most common case I think is, we hardly know each other even we want to. This society has been trying to telling us to be different since we were born, we barely know ourselves now, far beyond reaching others’ souls. Strolling through the neighborhoods and visiting on the porches, as some suggested, won’t make it any better, or, in a way, worse, for you may hold a party or grill out together to fabricate a sign of intimacy, but when you shut the door and lay on the bed, you will feel like that all things are collapsing on you, and once again, you fall into the gaping hole, the pain becomes excruciating.

I think it’s a perpetual affection of human beings, unless we invent a machine to decode the mind waves, and it’s unproper to try to drive it away, as we need it to remind us of our respective true being, which surely not a wild beast or a god, for one doesn’t ever meditate, the other doesn’t ever have to.

Wanderer above a Sea of Fog by Casper David Friedrich

6 thoughts on “Loneliness

  1. Felix —
    Thanks for your message!  Marc was a great blog-bud. A number of us would meet for a chat session each Wednesday night; he would come online if he was feeling OK. He was a funny and caring person — so many people will miss him. Odd, I never met him in person, but he seemed like an old friend.
    In a little over 1 month, I will be with my 3 children, and my grandchild, Chong Louen. I can\’t wait!
    Your post above was interesting. Don\’t let things get your down! Many times, we all feel alone. When you get a little older, you find it is difficult to make a lot of friends, like when you were much younger.  But the friends you DO have and keep are the GOOD friends.  It is harder to make friends when you are far from home. But you do, and you will.  My oldest son worked 2 years in Tokyo — he was very lonely there. So each night I would chat with him via webcam. He does not speak Japanese… and the people he worked with were all older, and not interested in him. He was so happy to return to Kaohsiung! He has made many friends here in Pennsylvania, so when he comes to visit me, there are always friends around who want to visit with him. 
    Take care — I will visit again many times. You are always welcome on my website… I am not a skillful writer, so many times it seems a bit boring, even to me!!!!  My peronal Windows Live Messenger IM is on my profile; please feel free to add me if you wish.
    Dave R – 大衛

  2. It\’s even odder, that some of his close friends like you, seem bore no misery, instead, like what you wrote in your space, just waved goodbye as if he had gone for a journey, and wished him a bon voyage. I think that\’s sth great and worthwhile that Marc had shared with us all. btw, i noticed that joshua has closed voyeur nation which is replaced by a "final guestbook", but i kept a pdf copy of the blog, i can send it to you if you want it for a memorial.
    You have a good family worth your proud. And thank you for the advice, I\’ll keep that in mind. And, I\’ve added you, but your IM doesn\’t seem like a common hotmail account, and my invitation email got bounced back by it, whatever, hope you can see the pop-up dialog window next time you log in.

  3. Hi again Felix!
    Thank you again for the PDF fle – I will share that with Marcs friends that I know. I\’m sure they will appreciate your kind gesture, as do I. I really enjoyed our conversation this morning. I am so impressed with your desire for change – it is people like you who will make these changes for the better! Change never comes fast enough for most of us! I hope we can talk again – I would like to hear about Guangzhou and its history.  My city, Johnstown, Pennsylvania, is also famous in its own way — Modern steelmaking was discovered here, and we are famous as the "flood city" – the Great Flood of 1889 was America\’s worst dissaster until very recent times. I can remember my grandfather talking about it – and there are many books written about it. Also, we are near 2 forts from the French & Indian War (known as the Seven Years\’ War in Europe). I love to go visit them – my oldest son liked them, also.
    Take care – Until we talk again!
    Dave R. — 大衛 

  4. Hi there~
    I am visiting thanks to Dave and I am sending you a thousand "Thank You\’s" because Dave has just shared Marc\’s blog with me…I miss his writings and now I can have them to read again!
    I will be back to visit again in the future…
    Thank you again!
    Here is my website…feel free to visit whenever…

  5. look, joy, I really appreciate that you enjoy that pdf copy. and i would really love visiting your blog and i did, but due to the block from the peking government, i can only view ur entries and  not enable to post any comment on it. what a shame. i ll try to fix things up meanwhile drop by ur place whenenver i m available.

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